Halloween Bash
by The Arsenal 3.0
Summary: Dante blackmails Vergil into letting him throw a party. Is Vergil going to put up with it? Not if Lady has anything to say about it.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **I thought I'd do something for Halloween and DMC was the first thing to come to mind. I didn't come up with this until near the end of the month but hopefully it's to everyone's liking.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own DMC. I'm just writing for it.

Ch. 1 The Errand Boy

Vergil found himself in the local cemetary, on Halloween no less. He removed a piece of paper from his coat pocket and carefully looked over the contents. Tarantula? Check. Badly misshapen pumpkin? Check. Freddy Krueger glove? Check. A REAL dug up corpse?

"Curse you, Dante!"

Vergil cringed at the the last item on his list and started to hate his brother for sending him on these "errands." He hated him even more for the blackmail.

* * *

Dante and Vergil were both eighteen and finally out of high school. They were also, unfortunately, still living with their parents and were stuck under "house rules" at least until they could gain sizable income and move out. Vergil struggled to get his own business off the ground while his carefree brother was too lazy to lend a helping hand, at least until the business opened up then he would negotiate his "contract."

The parents were away on a "snuggle trip" for the week meaning the brothers had the house to themselves, which meant Dante was free to raise hell.

Dante began making calls, LOTS of calls. The idea of setting up a Halloween party didn't bother Vergil, it was the loud and soon-to-be drunken idiots with whom Dante associated with: Jester, Agni, Rudra, Jester, Beowulf, JESTER. When Vergil threatened to rat him out for jacking up the phone bill the calls stopped, at least temporarily.

Three days before Halloween the more calm and collected son of Sparda was in the garage in the midst of perfecting his considerable sword skills when he unintentionally hit something and heard a loud...

**CRASH!!**

There it was...smashed into a million pieces: Mother's white vase with images of blue flower petals decorating the sides. Why was it here and not in the living room? The answer was obvious.

"DANTE!!"

Minutes passed and Vergil was pacing about trying to come up with a solution when the carefree son of Sparda walked into the garage and, in the worst acting job usually seen in most low budget sci-fi channel flicks, put his hands to his face seemingly stunned at the situation.

"Oh no...mommy's vase...Verg, what happened? This is so bad...this is-"

"Cut the bullshit, Dante!" Vergil snapped. "You put this here!"

"I don't know what you're talking about...oh but I did find this." Dante pulled out a photo of Vergil with his sword in motion commiting the "crime".

"WHAT THE...?!" Vergil immediately tore up the photo and slammed his brother into the wall ready to bring a world of pain. "You're dead!"

"I made copies," Dante said bluntly.

Vergil's composure was all but gone as he immediately drew his blade and stared at his twin like a man possessed.

"Hey relax, bro!" Dante smirked. "You let me have my party, mom and dad never find out, and we'll forget all about this little mishap!"

"That's it?"

"That's it!"

Vergil breathed a sigh of relief as he disarmed.

"Oh and you have to help me set everything up."

The older twin scoffed at the idea. "Yeah right, do it yourself." He turned to leave but paused as he heard the sound of keys being punched on a phone.

"HEY MOM!!" Dante bellowed loudly.

Vergil immediately turned and slashed the phone out his annoying twin's hand. "ALRIGHT, YOU WIN!" he screamed just as loud. "But you know what the worst part about this is? This is something YOU would do!" Vergil pointed at the vase.

"Yeah but the ironic thing is that I DIDN'T do it!" Dante said with a stupid smile. "Oh and don't forget your 'chores!'" he said holding up a particular paper list.

Vergil snatched the list from Dante's hand and headed out the garage eager to get everything over with.

"And don't forget my new phone, BITCH!!"

Vergil turned around just in time to see the door slam shut and immediately recited a variety of phrases that made his religious neighbors across the street faint in horror.

The older twin took the time to gaze over the contents of the list which made him wonder if Dante was insane or just a conniving asshole. Vergil chose the latter.

Grey's Local Pets was a small shop that the sons of Sparda avoided ever since they were kids due to the fact that the pet Goldfish they bought met its demise within an hour. In other words, it was the perfect place to get an eight-legged monstrosity.

Within minutes, Vergil out of the shop with a container holding the arachnid and the false promise of coming back later for pet supplies. Aside from the cute brunette that worked there he was glad to be out as memories of Goldie soon came rushing back. The only highlight of the experience was Vergil needing a pet for his "retarded brother" and the cashier, surprisingly, knew who he was talking about.

Vegil took his time with the second and third items on the next two days respectively. His former principal Arius, who was divoriced by his "doll" and practically lost everything, happened to be selling pumpkins on the side of the road and was quick to provide him with an unusual specimen that resembled a fat giant peanut. The third item was a bit trickier to find due to many of the local stores being nearly cleaned out for the upcoming occasion. For some reason or another, a street bum had a Freddy Krueger glove in his possession and offered to give it to Vergil if he could best him at Blackjack which, unfortunately, the son of Sparda knew nothing about. Vergil rendered the man unconscious and left him five dollars before grabbing the item and running like hell.

* * *

After looking back on everything that led him to his current predicament, Vergil took a deep breath and started to dig before a voice interrupted him.

"Spending Halloween alone in a graveyard isn't my idea of fun."

Vergil looked up to see the familiar form of Lady step out from behind a nearby tree grinning in response to his actions.

"Is this a yearly tradition or..." Lady began to ask.

"Hardly. I have Dante to thank."

"Blackmail?"

Vergil recalled everything from the broken vase to the list. He half-expected his former classmate to burst out laughing but to his relief she simply shook her head.

"He's such an idiot," Lady muttered.

"Tell me about it."

"Well are you gonna keep digging?" Lady asked as she headed towards her motorcycle. "Or do you want to figure out how to get back at him?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own DMC. I'm just writing for it.

Ch. 2 Never Piss Off A Lady

Vergil wasn't die-hard religious but Lady's sudden appearance had to be a blessing in disguise. He quickly abandoned the shovel and caught up to his new ally as she put on a helmet.

"Why the sudden interest in helping me?" Vergil asked. "We didn't talk much in school and the first time I approached you I got maced."

"True," Lady said, chuckling at the memory. "But I have my reasons."

* * *

Lady recalled the time when she and the sons of Sparda first met in kindergarten. She was the tomboy, Vergil was simply...Vergil, and Dante was the loud obnoxious one whose constant cries for attention were usually hit or miss. Still, the three of them rarely talked if at all with it being uncool or downright terrifying to talk to girls.

One particular snowy day in recess, Dante underwent the daring yet tiresome task of building a large snowman by himself, considered impossible because of his small size, but would lose the bet if he was unable to get the job done before class resumed. The brash kid struggled to roll up a snowball for the midsection while his brother was too busy watching him in pure amusement to care.

"Almost...got it..." Dante groaned.

"Hey, look!" one girl exclaimed.

Everyone ran past Dante, one kid knocking him flat on his back. He got up and turned to see a crowd gathered at the other end of the playground. Dante pushed his way to the front of the crowd to see a fully built snowman that was completely decorated. Lady wrapped her scarf around it and stood in triumph as Dante's jaw hit the ground.

Chants of "Lady" filled the playground causing the girl to blush at the overwhelming attention. The moment soon ended when something hard and cold hit her in the face. Lady was busy wiping her face to see Dante sneaking up behind her.

"Hey everyone, watch this!"

With a tug, Lady's jeans were pulled down and the former chants were soon replaced with thunderous laughter. Tears trickled down Lady's face as her moment in the spotlight was ruined.

"That was MEAN!" Vergil noted. "Right, Kenny? Kenny?"

A truck's horn sounded which grabbed everyone's attention. Within moments, the kid whose face was always covered by his hoodie was flat as a sheet in the middle of the road, the wind blowing him like paper.

"He killed Kenny! That bastard!" one kid exclaimed.

Everyone simply shrugged and resumed laughing at Lady.

"No one's getting the nurse?!" Vergil asked.

"He'll come back, he always does," Dante pointed out.

* * *

"Over something from kindergarten? Isn't that a little petty?" Vergil asked.

"As petty as accidentally breaking a vase and having to do some ridiculous chores?" Lady countered.

"Good point. But still, you have issues."

"Like actually going to a graveyard and digging up a dead body because your brother-"

"Alright!" Vergil snapped. "I wasn't really going to. I was just going to...like...put dirt on a plastic body or something..."

"Then why are you in a graveyard?" Lady asked.

"Because...I like to mope?"

Lady rolled her eyes and handed Vergil a helmet before setting off to ignore the rules of the road. Within minutes, the two pulled up in front of Lady's house which was scarcely decorated save for a pumpkin that was resting on a porch chair...smashed into orange goo.

"Ugh...it was probably my mean little shit cousin across the street," Lady noted. "Little bitch. Say, let's see if Dad's home!"

The two headed inside and turned right into a candle-lit living room and carefully walked through a mess of popcorn, movies, and a Mickey Mouse blanket that said "Property of Mary", though Vergil had a mental urge to keep himself from chuckling out of fear of what might happen to him. They descended down a flight of stairs into the basement that looked like it was taken from medieval times with the stone walls, boiling black pot, and red ceiling light giving the room a wicked atmosphere.

Vergil stared at the sight wondering if he had somehow traveled back in time when a bald man whose face seemed to be burned partially slowly rose up in front of him and reached out seemingly to strangle him. Vergil screamed causing Lady to scream which in turn caused the bald man to scream rather effeminately. All three stopped suddenly and for a few moments there was silence until Lady punched the man in the arm.

"Dad?! What the hell?!"

"Oh I'm sorry hon..." her dad said catching his breath. "I thought you'd be out on the town possibly consuming alcoholic beverages."

"You're such a dumbass. Oh, Vergil, this is Arkham, my lunatic father who should be in jail," Lady said roughly.

"Hello, I must have dozed off," Arkham greeted. "Honey, about the mess upstairs-"

"You're not going to learn anything if I'm the one who has to take care of all your shit!" Lady snapped. "Oh and Daddy, can you do us a small favor?" she asked with a sudden change of tone.

"Hmm?"

"Vergil's brother is acting stupid like he always does and I was wondering if you could help us get back at him with you being into spells and everything."

"Hmm..."

"Well?!"

"Dante, I never liked him," Arkham revealed. "I remember substitute teaching and that little bastard putting a rusty nail on my chair. Hell, the reason I'm always nervous when I'm around something pointy is the terrible memory of my ass getting an infection," he said unaware of the smirk on his daughter's face. "I always try to stay one hundred yards away from him at all times...well at least until my split personality takes over because then I'll wake up in places like a barnyard, a dumpster, gay nightcl-"

"Please stop talking," Lady interrupted. "So you'll help us or what?"

Arkham slowly put his arms around both teens and grinned evilly. "Let's create some...chaos! MU HU HA HA HA H-"

"Dad, shut up."

"Sorry."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything except this story. Now go read it!

Ch. 3 Party Time

Vergil and his two accomplices stood around a table in the basement going over the plan of attack. The plan, which was more of a cruel revenge trip really, satisfied Lady to the point where Vergil determined she had to be just as insane if not more than Dante. Still, fighting fire with fire didn't hurt, especially when that fire was easy on the eyes...

"So now we set the wheels in motion," Arkham declared. "Fifty cases of spiked Red Bull coming up!"

"Dad...you KNOW what people drink at parties don't you?" Lady asked.

"Powerade?"

Lady sighed. "GO GET SOME BOOZE, OLD MAN!!" she snapped.

Arkham put his head down as he climbed up the stairs and started to wonder if having kids was overrated.

"Your dad sure breaks easily," Vergil pointed out.

"He'll still go along with everything if he knows whats good for him," Lady replied.

"Yeah. Oh and um...thanks again for helping out. I suppose I owe you one."

"You're right, I guess you do."

Both grinned and stared into each other's eyes, completely entranced. Their quiet enjoyment of the other's company was shattered by the sound of Lady's mother's voice.

"Honey, would you like to watch some movies? I have Alligator, Crocodile, and Lake Placid!"

Vergil stared at Lady with a look of confusion as she simply shook her head.

"Mom, if you're going to interrupt someone at least recomend some good movies not some low budget cheap horror crap!"

"Mary...I think you'd be a lot happier in life if you weren't such a B-I-T-C..."

Meanwhile, at Dante's party, the house was filled with a mix of flashing lights, rock music, and loud chatter that made the religious neighbors across the street believe even more that the Sparda kids were the spawns of hell. Cars were parked in the yard, kids were passed out, and one person even took a leak in the gutter...

Inside, Dante was playing host to a variety of social incompetents many of whom made the son of Sparda actually look smart due to the compulsive gambling. One bet centered around whether the tarantula could actually walk across a fake web. Everyone cheered and hollered as the spider suddenly fell into a vase.

"Oh yeah, pay up!" Dante exclaimed holding out his hand.

Rudra sighed and forked over the money as his brother scolded him.

The appearance of Nevan suddenly gave Dante another idea. "You know, I bet her breasts are huge under all that hair!" he whispered.

"Well I think they're small so I'll take that bet," Rudra put in.

"Hey Nevan! What do you think of the party?" Dante asked as he casually approached.

"This is quite some shindig you've got going on, sugar," Nevan replied.

"Did you see that decoration up there?" While Nevan was distracted, Dante quickly pulled her hair aside. "Oh snap, I was right!"

Nevan gave Dante a huge smack for his efforts and marched off as everyone applauded.

Rudra payed up while his brother went to get the door at the sound of the bell. Agni looked out the window and confirmed it was Vergil which gave Dante another idea.

"You know what? I betcha he didn't get the corpse. I betcha he didn't!" Dante stated.

"I'll take that-"

"Hell no!" Agni cut Rudra off. "You're not wasting any more of my money, you incompetent oaf!"

"Brother, do these pants make my ass look fat?"

"I hate you."

Vergil entered holding a clearly fake body covered with junk.

"Hey bro, where you been?" Dante asked.

"My apologies, brother. I was so anxious to see you that I...couldn't concentrate on preparations for the bash," Vergil said.

"I knew you couldn't do it!"

"Well, that's because you're a sick freak and I'm not."

"Whatever. Just dump the body and take a load off!"

Vergil breathed a sigh of relief and eargerly trashed his hated list.

Thundering footsteps made everything shake as the over seven foot tall Beowulf walked up. "Say Dante, when do you suppose the beers will get here?" he asked. "All there is to drink is soda. SODA!"

"Yeah, where's Jester?" Dante wondered. "Don't tell me that moron got lost again!"

The sound of a truck screeching to a halt grabbed everyone's attention as Jester suddenly kicked the door open with two cases under his arms. "Yo, sorry I'm late, holmes! You know how it is driving up and down the ghetto...smackin' the baby's momma...Know what I'm SAYIN'?!"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Now start passing out drinks!" Dante ordered.

"Fine!" Jester shot back. "Ass."

Within moments, everyone had a drink in hand save for Vergil and his cohorts of course. Five minutes passed and nothing happened except for the usual drunkiness that resulted from excess drinking. Trish, who was usually a voice of reason and responsible, stumbled into Dante's lap in the kitchen giggling all the while.

"Oh...my bad..." Trish apologized. "You wanna have sex?"

"I'm not in the mood for sex!" Dante groaned. "And I'll tell you something else...there's something funny about those drinks because..."

"Oh my god!" Trish exclaimed.

"What is it?" he asked in a high-pitched voice. Dante looked at his hand and noticed how small it was. He then looked down and noticed his stubby legs. Starting to sweat, he quickly ran to the large mirror in his parent's room and came back out completely pale. "I'M A MIDGET!!"

Everyone snapped out of their daze and screamed at their unorthodox situation, though, in Beowulf's case, he was actually five feet tall. The partygoers ran into the frontyard in a panic as Lady waited on the roof of a neighbor's house to the right.

"TAKE THIS YOU BASTARDS!!" Lady aimed Kalina Ann and blasted in the middle of the mob sending pedestrians flying in all directions while laughing sadistically.

Dante was the last one out the door, thereby escaping the blast. He quickly turned around and ran back inside only to walk over a glowing circle on the ground.

"What the...?!"

A huge flash enveloped him and Dante soon found himself in a strange dimension standing on a circular platform that was surrounded by a force field. Jester also appeared and took a bow.

"Welcome to hell!"

Hundreds of glowing spheres formed and hit Dante face-first sending him flying and careening around like a pinball. The spheres soon disappeared and were replaced by a huge ball-shaped head with a twisted happy expression.

"You think you're going to kick my ass?" Dante asked boldly.

Hands formed on the sides of the head that grabbed Vergil's unfortunate twin and slammed him right, left, right, left in a pattern that continued until the thing got tired and tossed Dante in the air swallowing him whole...

Dante woke up on the floor of the living room wondering if he was dreaming, though the bumps and bruises said otherwise. Not wanting any more surprises, he ran into the backyard to hide only to get hit by a glowing sword flying through the air that sent him crashing into a tar-filled swimming pool. A hand reached in and pulled him out allowing him to stare into the eyes of Vergil.

"Hey...Verg..." Dante said nervously. "Y...you're not going to hurt me, are you?"

"Me? No." Vergil replied calmly. "Oh...Lady!"

The sadistic vixen walked into the backyard with her rocket launcher slung over her shoulder and eagerly loaded the weapon.

"W...wait a minute! You're not going to let her shoot me, are you?!" Dante kicked and squirmed to get out of Vergil's death grip but to no avail.

Lady smiled, aimed the weapon directly in Dante's face, and pulled the trigger...which blasted out hundreds of white leathers covering the tar-soaked midget. "Bend him over," she ordered.

"W...what for?!" Dante squeaked.

Vergil put his "little bro" over his knee as Lady repeatedly hit his rear with the blade part of her weapon.

"This is for...EVERY...STUPID...THING...YOU DO TO PEOPLE! Now...GET LOST!!"

Dante ran back into the house in tears and headed straight out the door.

"You're not going to let him get off that easily are you?" Vergil asked.

"Naw." Lady pulled out a painball gun and caught Dante in the left leg before he could leave the lawn.

Dante fell face-first and tearfully looked up to see his parents standing over him. "V...Vergil turned me into a midget and...Oh I'm normal again. Mom? Dad? You're home early," he said nervously.

Vergil and Lady headed upstairs to Vergil's room to avoid being seen. They locked the door and couldn't help but laugh.

"We got him!" Lady said.

"Yeah. Oh and what about the vase?" Vergil had to ask.

Lady phoned her dad and nodded in approval. "He snuck it in," she confirmed. "You're lucky my mom collects pottery."

"So now what?"

"Remember how you said you owe me?"

Vergil nodded as Lady slowly approached him...then pushed him onto the bed and yanked off her shirt revealing a black bra. She ran her hands through her hair messing it up and eyed Vergil like a demented beast. At that moment he started to wonder just what he got himself into as Lady tackled him hellbent on pleasure.

* * *

**End Note: **And that's a wrap, everybody. Happy Halloween! I'm out.


End file.
